I cannot express this pain in me.
The other day a good friend of mine texted me:
Yeah I know : you have seen a lot of shit in your life/
This meant so much to me.
It means so much, to have this validation.

A validation that is hardly ever given, despite talking about my life so openly, so often.
It started with pushes and punches as a child from an opposition family with a priest as father in East Germany.
Continuing as a the East German Boy in West Berlin schools, being abused and beaten.
Surviving rape and sexual violence.
Running from and fighting with nazis as a goth punk.
And now being yelled and spit at as a foreigner in japan.

My pain is deep.
My fear is deeper.
For my mixed race children.
For their environmentally unstable future.
And I am not even considering my inner demons.
Survival is a miracle.

I love every moment I live.
Every word I can share with friends and loved ones.
Pain is endless and ignorance a luxury I will never have.
But I am convincing my self to laugh when I cannot cry.
Thank you, friend, for sticking with me and sharing your thoughts, feelings.
For giving me strength.
Your embrace and trust means the world, my life to me.
Thank you, friend, for being.